From Fashion to Fitness
Tons of people have been asking me if I am still a Model. And yes, yes I am. I've been working extremely hard on my body before I start up with these photoshoots again. I started a 10 week program that incorporates a very strict nutrition program along with a fitness regimen. This program along with discipline will get me to my fitness goals and I am really excited about that. I just recently got NASM certified to be a Personal Trainer and that is what I am doing now. Now I am mixing the best of both of my worlds: Fitness Modeling.
Why? Are you giving up on Fashion? Are you settling? ... Here's what I say that. NEVER fuckin settle. Like, ever.
No, I am not settling. And I am NOT "giving up".
Trying SO hard to break into the Fashion industry I was constantly being rejected. I found myself always always feeling hurt, discouraged, and dismantled. For the most part.. every NO was motivating me and pushing me to that ONE yes. In my mind.. that was all that I needed was that one YES and no matter what I was going to push through all of the NO's for it.
But my doctor specifically told me not to lose weight. Because I am 5'10 I would be underweight and unhealthy if I was to go below 130lbs. Your average model is 112lbs. And if you've ever been hell bent on something then you know what it is like to ignore everyone and to go after whatever it is that you want. My heart was truly set on this so I was willing to take that risk.
I saved my money from my retail gig and flew myself out to both London and Paris in search for an agent. Most of these European agencies flat out told me that they loved my look, they loved my skin.. but I just needed to lose weight. Especially around the breast and hip area. Trying to lose weight in the short amount of the time that I was Paris led me straight to the hospital. I was there for 13 hours and was diagnosed with Vertigo. A condition American doctors would never be able to fully help me with. I missed the Eiffel Tower on my last days there because of this all.
I was beginning to lose everything that I stood for. If they wanted me to be 25lbs less, I was willing to do that. If they wanted my hair to be permed/relaxed.. I was willing to do that. Oh? They want natural hair now? I'd cut off ALL of my relaxed hair off. When the industry demands change, I changed. Never being okay with who I was and that's a huge problem. Constantly being rejected, and constantly revamping myself.. and changing to fit into something that I just did NOT fit into. I began to lose what I stood for.. I began to lose my personal sense of morale. I began to represent everything that I was NOT. Often times fashion modeling would make me feel unwanted, not good enough.. and outright insecure. This took a toll on my relationships with my family, my friends, and my partner. I wouldn't eat what they eat, I wouldn't communicate the way I used to, and I was just not happy. Unhappy energy is never pleasant.
Here's the story. I was trying my best to lose weight. I was trying out so many different fad diets. I tried out Dr.Oz's Fruit Juice Cleanse for 7 days. That didn't work. I lost about 3lbs and gained the weight immediately after I started eating solids again. I tried the Lemonade Master Cleanse TWICE and the first time I kept spitting it back up and the second time I was sick on bedrest for a few days. My body was rejecting it all. Then I hired a nutritionist which was extremely expensive but she was so awesome. I dropped a lot of weight then gained it back when I got off that diet. It was really difficult for me to control my portions and to learn about my body and what it responds to best. But then I started doing my research on the body and thermoenergetics.
If you don't know.. I am a HUGE believer in the Universe. I believe in the Attraction of Law. Like attracts like... and all that good jazz. Then I started to think.. MAYBE, just maybe.. the Universe is trying to tell me something. This is a battle I struggled with for a really long time. Is the Universe telling me that I need to keep going..?? and push through it all..?? or maybe this is just not the path for me.. or at least not right now. I know that I need to be patient sometimes.. So I couldn't tell which way to go. Maybe it was telling me that I am shoving my way into something that isn't meant to be. I just did not know.
What I DO know is giving up my health and everything else was not working for me. This introduced me to fitness. I would be in the gym every single day and I began to fell in love with the way I felt afterwards. I felt energized..and new... and extremely happy! I started learning more about the human body..and my human body. The human body is by far one of the most interesting things on Earth. The more I learn about the thermoenergetics, and how the body works, and how it breaks down food, and how it changes and transforms I became more and more interested. Not to mention I just love helping people. Working as a personal trainer I get to first hand witness my clients seeing their very own change. It is an amazing feeling to know how grateful they are to work hard and to see themselves getting one step closer to their fitness goals. The changes in their diet and exercise are making them happier.. and less stressed and feeling better. NOW this.. makes me so damn happy. Inspiring them brings an entirely different kind of joy and warmth to my soul. Seriously.
And if you know me at all, you KNOW I don't believe in working a job that you don't love. I absolutely love my job. I am even more grateful that I can say that. After all the original goal was to inspire people anyway. I just want to motivate people to do WHATEVER it is that they want to do.. no matter what! Fitness allows me to do just that. I am changing lives here and I couldn't ask for anything more. I wouldn't change my job for the world. In a sense I should be thanking fashion. It has introduced me to fitness and now I am in love.
So here I am. And I must admit I have never been so nervous and anxious to share with the world how I feel. For a while.. I was feeling like a failure. Like damn, I haven't been doing fashion in a while. I've been missing fashion week after fashion week. But things are changing. My life is changing and for the first time in my ENTIRE life .. I can say that I am truly happy.
There you have it. Fitness modeling is my NEXT goal. And since I've been into fitness I have never felt more confident, strong, and powerful in my entire time. Every day I am discovering new things about myself.. about my mind, my body, and my soul. I feel elevated. Rebirthed, if you will. I can feel myself growing into something greater. Everyday.. I just fall more and more in love with who I am becoming.
As for Paris, I WILL BE BACK. and I will see the Eiffel Tower.
Thank you for all of your support. I appreciate it all. I love y'all.